The Dénouement

It was, as I once heard, the same question as the “What did you plan to do, after the sex?” Was it good or was it evil? What did you plan to do? After you were done praying?

In the heat of polarization of every issues, from population control for others, for birth control for us right here, somewhere along the way what got lost in the discussion, with too much background music, was this issue of the soul. There were not 6 billion people in the world. There were 6 billion souls. Too many people had forgotten it was all about souls. Survival of the fittest applied just to bodies. The physically and economically fit. It was thought that all 6 billion of those souls were gonna survive forever. And somehow long lines were not expected at the courthouse, in the high court as it were, at the time of judgment.

There was a maturity in the girl: “What did you plan to do, after we had sex?” She was the mature one. With that question. That was the female focus on interest rates. Not if they were fluctuating, but why you intended to borrow. From her. In the first place. For the first time. Most guys did not have an answer when they were young.

So how was I gonna pay her back? With interest?

The dream about the length of keeping an aperture on the camera open over night, to get the picture. The dream last night. The question was always about exposure. To God. Mostly in the night. Or with a balance exposure. So others could see. What I had.

What it is you captured? Did you somehow intend to sell the picture? On keeping it for yourself, and loved ones? And how long did I keep that lens open? Focused?

The unstated question in any discussion about birth control, or simply sex or survival, or with any pregnancy was “What did you plan to do? Next?”

Did you live moral lives? Why did you live moral lives? And what exactly was it you intended to say with your life? Through others? In your work? In your play?

A lot like prayer. And the hunger and thirst for holiness, with time. And at the end of life. And that conflict all along the way to the creative process, which always carried an end to the story. How was I gonna pay for all of this? How was I gonna pay her back? How was I gonna pay God back? For all of this? Plus interest?


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