Wait and See

So in the case of relationships, what did she see, what was she after? In me? Or what was I after in her? Before there was sex? After the sex was over? Why did I want to marry? Two-in-one? Why?

So much of my life was about the search for meaning, but in a wait-and-see mode. And thus the aquarium where I lived, called nation, where 99% lived in the wait-and-see mode.

In the case of failed relationships. Relationships which had never really had evolved. Fault and looking for scapegoats. There was a lack of understanding, in a state with No-Fault laws on auto accidents and divorce. Why had it happened? And what about the children? Would they accept this “no-fault” world? In 10 or 20 years? Without a festering anger? How did this world come to be?

The lack of reconciliation with the past was resulting in a failure to reach an acceptance. About the world we lived in. The one filled more and more with self-promotion, with the media acting as the accelerant about these kinds of lifestyles.
What was she after? In me? And what had I failed to give? I was busy looking for the lure of work which provides my organizing purpose and identity. Like everyone in the western world, too many of us were searching for vainglorious work. Asking in a new way, in a wait-and-see mode, “Why are you doing this?”

The way people choose a profession, but the way a profession changes them in a way they probably didn’t anticipate at first. Not only did I choose the profession, but that profession began to mold me. That same point of view leads to point in time on a Friday. Today.

So in the case of a failed relationship, it was all one person’s fault? What was I doing about the failure? Living in a wait-and-see mode? Today.

So in the case of relationships, there was this inherent human urge to leave something behind, in the evolutionary process of perfection. When I was so imperfect.

Asking in a new way the old question:“Why are you doing this? Why are you here?”


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